I don't like to place a label on my child, but...

after being incredibly frustrated with Jakob and being especially frustrated with myself for the way he acts in public, and not feeling like I can do much to direct his behavior, I started reading WHAT TO EXPECT THE TODDLER YEARS, by Eisenberg, Murkoff, and Hathaway, and came across something that helped me understand the nature of my son: A DIFFICULT TODDLER

Jakob has always been very particular about things in his life, especially sleep. It is hard to do much outside of his regular home routine because he usually has an outburst that eventually turns into a full-on tantrum. I know he is reaching the ripe ol' age of the terrible two's so you would think that this behavior is normal, but unfortuantely I can't use that excuse because Jakob has been pretty partiucular about things since birth, and the "terrible two's" actually started at 12 months (or sooner).

So, I was reading page 200 titled "LIVING WITH YOUR DIFFICULT TODDLER" and decided this explains a lot about my little TERROR...I mean toddler: Living with a toddler is hardly every easy; living with a difficult toddler can sometimes border on the intolerable. The stress of coping with a child who...won't put up with change...can be daunting, draining, and debilitating. Worst of all, it can make the best-intentioned parent feel hoplessly inadequate.

This is exactly how I feel with him sometimes: inadequate.

The Difficult Toddler can fit neatly into specific categories: The super-high activity toddler, The distractible toddler, The initial-withdrawl toddler, The high-intensity toddler, The unscheduled toddler, The low-sensory-threshold toddler (that's a mouthful), The unhappy toddler, and MY toddler: the slow-to-adapt

The slow-to-adapt toddler
craves routine/ritual
plays favorites with food, toys, and clothes
finds transition and change seriously unsettling and disturbing. BUT once adapted to the change will cling to the new situation fiercly (after having a tantrum before, and then exploding again when it's time to return home)
stuborn and persistent
prone to prolonged tantrums
whine incessantly in pursuit of a goal

There ARE postives to this:
these children often become adults with the rare characteristic of being able to stick with a chosen subject or task.

Best handling techniques:
prepare toddler for transitions by giving advance notice
using a timer to better handle situations for further ease of transition
choose opportune times to make changes

Something to think about:
Your child's inborn temperament is not his fault. He cannot change who he is to any degree. when he is acting according to his nature, he is not being "bad" or trying to torture you-he is being himself. (your child's temperament is not your fault, either-even if he seems to have inherited that temperament from you or from someone in your family)

Accepting a child for what he is rather than constantly struggling to change him into something you'd like him to be will help you to appreciate and nourish his inborn nature, to make it an asset rather than a liablility. It will also help your child's self-esteem and sense of worth and value.

I was surprised and relieved that Jakob fits these traits exaclty, because all this time I just thought I wasn't doing enough to manage his behavior. I guess Jakob requires specific needs for his personality, and now that I am more aware of his "nature", I won't be so hard on myself about him.