Flash Back Friday: Eat Your Words

September(ish) 2004 Provo, Utah

As a student at BYU my only form of exercise was Ballroom Dancing.  For some reason I had it in my mind that since I danced 3-5 hours (most days) that I didn't need to worry about additional exercise in my routine.  I honestly didn't see a need since dance was my exercise; it had been that way since high school. 

My two year career of Ballroom Dance at BYU ended abruptly right after I met Danny.  He was NOT the reason for the change, it just happened that way.  Without going into too much detail, because it really doesn't need to be said, it was an emotional and painful experience for me to be "done".  I didn't feel like it was suppose to end yet; however, I wasn't  in control of that decision. 

Besides being able to focus more time on my Major and the new relationship with Danny, one other really good thing came from this experience: running. 

Unfortunately I have Danny to thank for this, since he was the one that asked me to run with him, but it turned out to be a good stress reliever and a great way to spend quality time among our busy schedules. 

For the record, I was not a runner.  The last time I had ran a mile was in high school gym class.  I remember being really slow and hating every moment of it.  I remember thinking if there was one form of exercise to avoid, it was running. 

Well,  running this time around with Danny was nothing different.  I still hated it.  I hated being pushed along by someone else because I was too slow.  I hated going up the hills and being worked because why would I want to put my body through that?  I hated hearing, "if you just keep running (and not stop to walk) you'll get done faster" because all too often did just that. I hated keeping up while trying to set my own pace.  IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING!  

I continued this love/hate relationship with running through the first three years of marriage.  I think the only reason I kept going was because Danny ran with me and I felt guilty when he went alone.  It was hard to run with my husband because he was the runner of the family.  As I have mentioned before, he is a natural.  He hardly has to work at it, but then again since he was running with me-the slow one-it's no wonder that he never broke a sweat or suffered heavy breathing; it was hardly a workout for him.   He was always the one pushing us (me) to go faster, or farther, or run on different trails instead of the same roads over and over again. Sorry, but I like routine. He tried to get us (me) to run a race here and there, but nothing serious was ever done about it.  One day Danny started talking complete nonsense when out of the blue he asked me if I wanted to run a marathon with him.  I just started at him ( I probably glared at him) and said, "No way.  Why would I want to run that far?  I can barely run 5 miles and you want me to run a marathon!?!"  That was the end of that conversation.....I don't think he dared to mention it again.....until 8 months ago. 

**I don't know why the sudden change or even the desire to feel the need to accomplish this, but 8 months ago I decided to run a marathon with Danny.  I have never participated in a race, I have never run this far in my life, but tomorrow I will be doing something that I NEVER thought I would do.  EVER!  It is quite exhilarating.  I think back to the unhappy days of running, wondering why I hated it so much, and I'm still trying to figure it all out.  I think learning the love for running does take time, but in a small way, however, maybe running with Danny was the cause for some of it.  Not that he wasn't incredibly patient with me or sincere in his efforts to help me succeed, he just wasn't allowing me to show myself what I could really do.  In same ways he was holding me back, even though he was trying so very hard to push me forward.   I am grateful for his efforts and can't believe how incredibly patient and loving he was with me, but his efforts were meaningless until I learned to love it for myself.

I ran the very first day of training for the marathon alone.  I found out that running by myself, setting my own goals, listening to my own pain, relishing in my own accomplishments and setting my own pace has made all the difference between loving and hating running.  I am doing this for me, not because I feel guilty that someone will run alone or because it will help me lose an extra pound or two, I am running because I have a desire to accomplish something new; something that will take me out of my comfort zone and make me a more rounded person because of it.    Call me crazy, but I am eating my words from almost 3 years ago and I am running a marathon tomorrow!