The Big Picture

On Monday I had made plans to blog about Danny, his injury, and other running updates related to the Boston Marathon.  It was THE day of a great accomplishment and I wanted to recognize Danny for his hard work and dedication despite being unable to finish this major event.  I had a few things mapped out as to what I wanted to write about, but I just never got around to sitting down and finishing my thoughts until now.

Since September of last year Danny has been suffering off and on with Achilles Tendinitis in his right leg.   The pain grew worse just after Thanksgiving and during the month of December.  Regardless of several weeks of icing, stretching, and laying off a bit, he was still unable to run without constant pain.  At first the pain came after a long run and only lasted momentarily throughout the day.  It soon got to the point that he couldn't even run 3 miles (and with several days rest in between) for it to bother him the rest of the day/week.  He limped around at work and grimaced when the pain shot through his leg.  He couldn't walk some of the time and every single morning was a constant battle to carefully get out of bed without triggering the searing pain.  Danny met with the doctor and found out that there wasn't much to be done with this unfortunate injury.  The main orders were to lay off the running, ice the leg twice a day, stretch with resistance band, and involve more cross training routines--swimming and biking--to strengthen other parts of the body that don't get worked as much.

Danny followed doctors orders for a month or two and by March of this year was still unable to train consistently for the marathon.  It was a devastating time for him to have made it so far to actually qualify for Boston and then not be able to follow through.  He was pretty discouraged and didn't want to talk about it much.  It nearly killed him when people asked about his training, or whether or not he was running Boston.  He really hated explaining why he couldn't run or why he wasn't training, etc.  It just discouraged him even more to have to explain something that frustrated him more than anything. 

By the beginning of April we at least started making plans to attend the race.  We knew that even though he would not be running we still wanted to be there for the experience.  Also, he still had a packet to pick up (which included his shirt and other freebies) and we wanted to be there to support our friend who was running with his brother.  It was going to be an adventure and a much needed break from the cold spell we had been suffering through all winter long.

About a week before the race our plans suddenly changed.  Danny was swamped with work and had a design review due two days after the Marathon that was taking up extra time before and after regular work hours.  He felt that he needed to work as much as he could in order to finish on time for the review and so we decided to forego our original plans to attend the race.  I guess from a working stand point he was a grateful for his injury because then he could finish his responsibilities without feeling too tired from the race or guilty that he wasn't able to put in enough hours. (I think he was just trying to find something good from his unfortunate situation.)

On race day Danny and I were both excited to tune in to the online coverage of the race.  I watched both male and female runners cross the finish line and viewed a bit of coverage afterwards.  Danny called me and we chatted a bit about the race finalists.  I turned off the computer, finished some house work, took care of the kids and thought nothing more of the marathon.  Nothing more of the Marathon until....

It was around 3:15 when Danny called.  I answered the phone, surprised to hear from him again for a second time in the day.  (a rare occurrence indeed)  Immediately Danny asked if our runner friends had contacted me at all that day.  I was a lot more calm on the phone and wondered why he cared so much.  After a quick debriefing of current events my heart sank. I was overwhelmed with worry.  All I could think about was the finishing time 4:01 and the first bomb 4:09:  The time that our friend crossed the finish line-only 10 minutes before the first explosion-and how I could not get a hold of their family to see if they were alive and well.

20 minutes passed and worry settled into fear.  So many thoughts and concerns about what was going on kept me from focusing on anything but the well being of those we love.  Danny suggested texting their son-since texting is the best alternative when cell service is limited- and five minutes later his response brought comfort that all were safe and well, just very scared.  I had so many questions for him, but that was enough.  My hear poured out to all the victims and families that had to endure such horrific violence.  It was difficult to comprehend that any of it was happening at all.

I received a third phone call from Danny.  It was obvious that the events of the day were affecting him and there was still much more to say.  (I guess I was more concerned about our friends and their family that I failed to think about how he was feeling)  I quietly listened as he explained his thoughts and feelings concerning OUR family.

Jamie, there was a reason why I was not suppose to run this race AND why our family was not suppose to be up there.  I know we would have been at the finish line cheering on S___________.  That's just what we do.  We like to be right in the action of the crowd at the finish line.  We would have been waiting for S_____________ to pick up his finishers medal, food, etc and we would have still been at that part of the race where the first and second explosions occurred.  

Then I thougth: You're absolutely right!  Plus, we would have had the kids with us and they too would have been exposed.  It could have been us!  

Why had I not thought about that?  Why had I not seen the blessing that Danny just related to me?

With a firm testimony he finished by adding: There was a reason for my injury.  We were not suppose to be up there.  I wouldn't be surprised if in two weeks I am able to run again.  

What a blessing of life we had just been given and Danny was able to see it. I nearly broke down to tears at the thought.  Our children are safe and unharmed and our family was right where we needed to be.

When Danny arrived home late from work that same evening he had emotion in his eyes.  He is not typically an emotional person and so for him to be vulnerable from the events of the day I could tell he was feeling the confirmation of the spirit that our family had been blessed.  We didn't have much more to say.  We just took a moment to embrace and remember the importance of our love and love for our family.  It was comforting to have him home and share in the closure of what we knew.

Four days later and I am still affected by the reality of  Monday.  Not only is Facebook and the news swarmed with current updates, but the tragedy is brought up daily in casual conversation.  There is a lot to be said about how people are dealing with the news--all in their own way; whether they have a "story" or not, they have been affected one way or another.

At 5:30 this morning I began my long run.  My mind raced over Boston several times in the passing minutes.  I was thinking about all runners, not only from the Marathon, but also those I see in our community and thought about how this tragedy has brought us closer.  One car and one transit bus honked and waved to me as I passed them this morning.  They, too, are thinking about the runners.  I made an effort to pay it forward and wave to other runners passing me.  It was nice to feel connected to these people, even if for a brief moment.  I think we all need something to help us heal.  Life is really scary right now and people recognize it.  In fact, they're sick of it!  I know I am.  I wish there was more I could do to ensure a safer world for me and my family.  We can't even go to a family-friendly event, such as a marathon, without a concern that something awful could happen.

At any rate....I am grateful Danny and I have seen the bigger picture of what has happened in our family.  Something that was considered to be a discouraging burden is now the greatest blessing of life.